I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
