and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
