forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
