from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
