I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
