none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
