WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
