five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
