you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
