My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
