she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
