Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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