What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
