He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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