Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
