she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
