Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
