Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
