I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
