I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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