Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
