you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
