dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I will pee on everything he values.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize