The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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