I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
NoShamevember. You game?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
