I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
