We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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