yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
