Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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