please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
