ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
My dick has a subreddit
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
