all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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