When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
PANTIES FOUND
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