I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
