I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
okay pat passed out under dana's car
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
