So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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