I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
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he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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