he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
