my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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