My sheets look like a crime scene.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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