people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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