I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
