It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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