I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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