I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
