There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
