I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
