Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i think i have herpe
just one?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
