at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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