So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
