After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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