Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
