Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
