I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
