Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
