And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
