We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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