I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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