and you said cock pushups were impossible
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Drunk is a universal language darling
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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