I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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