Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
