Umm I'm too high to move.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
