nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
