I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
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