It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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