OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
