2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
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