11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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