i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
