He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
