Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
