I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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