I can't breathe out the right side of my face
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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