Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
