remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
