just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
