i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
