I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
