I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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