I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
