He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
