just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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