Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
